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February 2, 2011
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10 (who?)

Chapter 3:Bath time

"We left off when the bus was about to crash and everybeast was going to die." The faithful author reminded the reader. "So keep reading to see if they die or not."


"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" Slagar screamed at the top of his lungs.

But Tansy's magic saved them, and the bus halted, everybeast flew back to the front off the bus.

"How the--" Jabez sputtered, the bus was only an inch from the wall.

"We're alive!" Martin cried, hugging Slagar. The fox growled and pushed Martin away.

"You yelled at me, I don't want to be YOUR friend." Said Slagar, to Martin's dismay.

"Everybeast, look at this!" Jabez said, he pointed to a device that was randomly hanging from the ceiling of the bus. It was basically just a screen and it was glowing. "It says, 'GRS'.. What could that mean?"

Slagar glared at Martin. "Ask the stupid mouse, he always talks in riddles."

Martin sulked.

Urthwyte and Tansy had heard the sound of squeaky tires. Tansy refused to leave, so Urthwyte bounded out into the rain to see what happened.

"My badger sense tell me that, a bus almost crashed, but Tansy's magic saved it!" Urthwyte said to himself, as he approached the bus. And he was right.

Out of the bus came everybeast, they lost interest in the GRS. They were all soaking wet now.

"Follow me!" Urthwyte said, and so everybeast did. Everybeast but Cheesethief, who had fallen asleep inside the bus.

Into the building everybeast went, and Tansy was furious. "Where have you been?!" She screamed at them.

"The bus broke down, remember?" Slagar said, glaring at her.

"Well I know that." Tansy scoffed, feeling stupid all of a sudden.


Back on the bus, Cheesethief was snoring. He then woke up, because something was prickling his footpaw. "Ouch!" he squeaked, grabbing his footpaw. He started to rub it, when the same baby hedgehog that argued with him earlier got up and glared at him.

"You steppa on my headspikers!" She squealed, and Cheesethief got off his seat and walked to the front of the bus, ignoring her.

"Hey, come back!" The hedgehog protested, and she scrambled after the rat.

"Huh, what's this?" Cheesethief wondered aloud, as he stared at the GRS system. "I can't read, though. Can you read?" He asked the hedgehog. She snorted.

"Of course ah cin!" She replied, then she stared at it for a long time. "Nevew mind, I cin't. It's too hawd."

"Hmm I wonder what happens if I touch this." Cheesethief wondered out loud again. He placed his paw on the screen, and it began to scan his paw. He squeaked and tried to pull his paw off but it appeared to be stuck to the screen. A few moments later, a robotic like voice began to speak.

"You have pressed the Great Random Screen.  Whatever happens next is now your fault, Cheesethief  Winston Denes." The hedgehog bursted out laughing.

"Winston?" She said, snorting through laughter.

"It's not funny, it's stupid. I can't get my paw off this.." Just then, the bus completely disappeared and the two creatures fell on the ground. "Oh my paw is free now." Said Cheesethief Winston Denes happily.

"Where did de bus go?" Asked the hedgehog. The rat shrugged. "Oh well. What d'ya think that Great Random Screen meant when it said that?" She asked Cheesethief who was smarter and much more experienced than she was.

"I 'unno." Cheesethief shrugged. "Let's go find the others." And so they went towards the building, but stopped when they heard something or somebeast coming towards them. "Hurry into the bushes!" Cheesethief whispered urgently. So they both jumped into a convenient nettle bush. Ow.

A crowd of creatures strolled casually passed the bush. Cheesethief assumed it was the others, so he jumped out of the bush and ran to them squealing, "HEY GUYS, HEY GUYS!" Over and over again. So did the hedgehog baby because she was following Cheesethief's example.

The only problem with this, was that the group was not their group, it was a group of giant cupcakes with hairy man legs. Cheesethief screamed in dismay, as did the baby. "What are they!?" Cheesethief gasped. Then what he spoke of disappeared in a blue puff of smoke. In the cupcake monsters places were now some unidentifiable creatures.

"Then how could we see the cupcakes if we can't see the creatures?" Cheesethief questioned the writer and she made him slip in the mud. He began to sink into the mud, as did the hedgehog.

"This is your fault!" Screamed the hedgehog, "You touched the thing!"

One of the beasts in the crowd giggled. There was a resounding slap noise and a squeak. "What did I tell you about having a dirty mind?!"

"Sorry mother."

"Good child."

"Can somebeast please help us out of here?" Cheesethief moaned, neck deep into the mud.

"Oh okay." A voice said. A moment later, Cheesethief and the hedgehog poofed out of the mud and were standing on solid ground again.

"How did that happen?" Said Cheesethief. The writer shrugged.

"It was I, the writer. I didn't want you to die." She said simply. The rat shrugged. Then the rain stopped.

"Oh, good!" A stoat said, as he pushed his way to the front of the crowd. "I really don't like water very much. My name is Vilu Daskar." He bowed elegantly, then was pushed in the back. He fell into the mud and on top of him stood a small ferret.

"And I am Sir Veil Lance!" Announced the ferret.

"Get off me!" Sputtered Vilu, and so Sir Veil Lance, AKA Veil, did, then the stoat picked up Veil and threw him twenty feet away from the crowd.

"My BABY!!" Screeched a voice. It was Bluefen, Veil's mommy. "MY POOR INNOCENT CHILD!" She swatted Vilu in the head with a handbag she was carrying, tears streaming down her face. She then ran after her child.

"Whatever." Vilu shrugged, shaking dirt off of his red cloak. "Anyways, there's a whole crew of us. We were all minding our own business eating at McMossflower's when all of a sudden, poof! We were here in this neck of the woods. We've been wandering quite some time now..."

"Oh?" Cheesethief said, "That's odd. I came here on a bus with a bunch of different beasts. Uhh. They're in that building over there. How many beasts are you travelling with?" He asked.

"A lot!" Said a big female wild cat, as she prowled out from the back of the crowd (that's where everyone [everybeast] comes from) "Like, there's me, and like, tons of other baddies that were war lords and stuff." She folded up an umbrella she just so conveniently was carrying.

"Yeah I could've told them that Pashmina!" Cried Vilu, feeling upset that his time to shine was stolen by that woman.. Cat.

"My name is Tsarmina, doofus." She hissed. "I thought the writer would be smart enough to remember my name when she makes somebeast mention it first." She murmured.

And then it began to hail from the skies, ice and thunder and lightning cracked, Tsarmina's umbrella exploded and a tornado could be seen in the background, too. Also it rained. And it was windy.

"ADAMINA, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Cried Vilu at the cat, flailing his arms around like a spaz. Another stoat approached him and sighed.

"It's okay it's just a little stoooooorm." Said the stoat coolly. "Everything'll be juuuuuustt fiiiiiinne." But to tell you the truth, every vermin in the crowd was screaming. Especially Klitch the weasel.

"MY PRETTY EYES ARE GOING TO GET ICE IN THEM!" Screamed Klitch, he ran around in circles until Kurda the ferret tripped him with her sword. "MOMMMYY!!!" He cried, as he fell into a heap. "Boohooohoooo."

"Yes son?" A voice called. Then suddenly from the sky fell Ferahgo the Assassin with a beautiful wig on his head that was blond and curly. The weasel fell right ontop of his son Klitch. Klitch wriggled out from beneath his father, and pulled the wig off of his head.

"Dad you're SO embarrassing." He muttered. His father snorted, and snatched the wig away from Klitch.

"What do you want, moron? I was very busy." He put the wig back on, then his eyes shone and he began to be very dramatic. "Oh, son, why are you so upset? What is this -- we're in the middle of a storm! Oh, my, please, everybeast, let's get into that building! Come, my baby! You'll catch your death in this weather!" And Ferahgo grabbed his baby boy and whoever was next to him, which was Kurda, and dragged them to the building.

"He's right, we should go." Cheesethief said. Tsarmina was screaming and clawing at everybeast.

"WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE!!!!" She screamed and grabbed the nearest beast, which was Plugg Firetail, and stretched him above her head. "ABANDON ALL HOPE. WE ARE TO DROWN HERE!" She bellowed as she darted after Ferahgo the assassin.

"LET'S GO!" Cried a drop-dead GORGEOUS pine marten. He tossed his fur this way and that to get rid of rain as he sobbed, his tears like crystals falling from his fantastic eyes.. Er.. "I don't want to get my cellphone wet!" He whimpered.

"Right, come on everyone!" Bluefen said, as she approached the crowd with her son in her arms. She eyed the pine marten and giggled. "Oh, Ublaaaz!" She cooed, just then her husband Swartt Sixclaw came up behind Ublaz and snarled.

"NO!" Said the male ferret. Then he picked up Bluefen and his son and scurried to the building.

With that, everybeast dodged for cover to the brick building that didn't seem too far away.


Back in the  building, Tansy and her buddies were waiting for Cluny in the wide open room that seemed very vast and empty. They had been waiting for a while, and Triss was getting extremely bored, seeing as she was the impatient type.

"You guys, I'm sooo bored." She announced to everybeast. Slagar glared at her.

"Why don't you have a phone? You could go on Foxbook. It'd be fuuun." He suggested hopefully. He needed a new friend since Martin broke their friendship. He also wanted to make Martin jealous.

"I don't know how to get a phone." Triss shrugged. Then suddenly a cellphone appeared in her paw. "Oh nice." She said, grinning. Slagar was happy now. He edged really, REALLY close to Triss and looked at her screen. His jaw DROPPED.

"Oh. My. That is imPOSSIBLE. HOW DID YOU GET THE NEW IFOX TOUCH PHONE?!?!" He cried. Triss shrugged. "It's the most high tech thing ever, EVERYBEAST wants it! I didn't know they were on shelves yet! YOU EVEN GOT THE DARKFOREST SLEEK BLACK EDITION!" Slagar was close to fainting.

"They were NEVER on shelves. Phones aren't't even supposed to exist here." Said Stonefleck. Slagar's eyes narrowed.

"Stonefleck, what are YOU doing here?" Asked the fox.

"Um, I've been here the whole time. Triss and I live together." He said, his face solemn as he spoke.

Slagar's jaw dropped again. "WHAT?!?!" He cried. He could NOT be friends with a friend who was friends with one of his EX-FRIENDS! That was against his code of.. Friends! "I'm sorry Triss, but I'm busy." He said to her, then he slinked away.

"Oh.. Okay.." Triss said dejectedly.

"Everybeast hush I hear something." Tansy beckoned everybeast to be quiet, and they did. Suddenly from the shadows emerged Cluny. He was dressed in a fine outfit and he was well groomed. He still had his eye patch on but he looked gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. Tansy and Triss' jaw dropped to the ground.

"WOW what happened to you?!" Slagar cried, completely jealous of the new Cluny's looks.

"Why, I was educated." Replied the rat simply, his beautiful eye sparkling in the light. He knelt down in front of Tansy and kissed her paw tenderly. "I have changed my ways -- I am a new creature."

Tansy snatched her paw away. "I liked you better when you weren't so, frilly." She muttered, and Cluny drew up to his full height.

"Well I beg to differ." He said unhappily.

"So.. Where the heck are we?" Stonefleck asked from the back of the crowd.

A sharp, angry, serious voice replied. "That's not proper form. Ask politely!"

Everybeast tried to see where the voice was coming from, but it seemed to be disembodied.

"Who's there?" Martin commanded in his angry voice. Everybeast was scared of his angry voice. Suddenly, the vast room lit up so brightly! Everybeast squealed and cowered, except Urthwyte because he was never scared, and Cheesethief because he was supposedly on the bus, and Tansy because she was, well, she was Tansy.

The voice belonged to a female squirrel. She was tall and her fur was pitch black, she wore a business looking suit. With her was a fox, who also had pitch black fur and was wearing a shaggy janitor outfit.

"I, am Ranguvar. I run this place." She said sharply, her eyes narrowed. The fox nodded stupidly.

"Aye, aye, she be de important 'in, hurrr. I'm Farran, de, er, de vice important 'un." The black fox said, his yellow eyes flickering back and forth as his tongue lolled out of his mouth.

"Poor foxy, he suffers from brain poisoning. He's actually just here as a janitor." Said Ranguvar, petting Farran on the head kindly. "Silly creature." She then stared sternly at everybeast. They were dirty. Completely filthy! "I will escort you to the bath area and you will be scrubbed by my good friend, Badrang the tyrant and my servants."

And out of the shadows came the very stoat, holding a scrubber brush and a bar of soap. "Yep, and you'll be squeakeh clean when I'm done with ya!" He said, grinning evilly.

Martin screamed until his eyes seemed to pop out of his skull. The thought of being bathed by his worst enemy was terrifying. Then he fainted.

Every other beast squealed and tried to hide but it was impossible, suddenly hordes of little rats came out and brought them into the washing rooms and they were scrubbed down for about.. 3 hours. They smelled real good afterwards. Like mints. And roses.

They were all wearing school uniforms. Tansy screamed in horror. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HABIT I WAS WEARING THAT!"

"Calm yourself, dearie," said Ranguvar, smiling sweetly, "It's just going into the wash and we'll fix it up for you. Okay?"

"BUT MY STUFF!" Tansy protested, but she was shut up because Farran held out a needle.

"Der needjer shotsh?" He asked. Tansy fell silent. She hated needles.

"Why is there a wash here?" Urthwyte suddenly asked, rubbing soap out of his eyes from earlier.

Ranguvar turned to Urthwyte, shrugging, "I don't know. Just because. Did I tell you what this place is?" Urthwyte shook his head. "Well listen good." She shouted to everyone, suddenly in her paw she had this black stick and she slapped it on her other paw in a commander like manner.

Urthwyte gulped as she approached him, her eye bulging out furiously, she slapped her paw to emphasize each word. "You are now in college, a terrible place where things happen and you learn stuff." She shouted.

"OH!! COLLEGE!!!" Slagar squealed and danced in a circle, his new crisp, white shirt flailing in the wind, his beautiful newly manicured paws glinting in the light and. You know. "I think I heard about this from a show once!" He said, twirling about.

"Good, then you'll be prepared." Said Ranguvar, smiling sweetly. "You all get dorms. Also, no electronics during the hours that you learn." Slagar and Martin squeaked. After a moment, Triss did too, because she realized she too had a phone.

"WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. NOW." Slagar screamed. Everybeast agreed, they all hurried to the door. It suddenly busted open before they could reach it, and in piled all of the vermin from chapter 2, plus Cheesethief and the baby hedgehog.

"STINKY!" Cried Farran. It really did smell bad in the main lobby of the so-called college building.

"Okay, you know what? I don't even want you here!" Ranguvar cried. "Get out of my house right now!"

"You live here? But I thought this was college?" Slagar said unhappily.

"I lied. I just wanted to teach all you ugly beasts some decency. Ugh you smell nasty!" She plugged her nose and shooed everyone out. "Get out, get out!"

"But Miss, it's raining outside. You wouldn't make us go out there would you?" Asked one of the babies from Jabez's family. Ranguvar's nose twitched.

"CHILDREN IN MY PRETEND COLLEGE HOUSE?!" She screamed oh so loudly, then shrugged. "You're right. I'll let you stay in here for a little while. If I didn't, that'd be so mean. BUT YOU HAVE TO ABIDE BY MY RULES!" Her voice thundered throughout the whole house.

"Okay, I'm just wondering, where did you get hundreds of rats for bathing?" Slagar suddenly piped up. Ranguvar glared at him.

"I HIRED THEM A WHILE AGO, OKAY. MINIMUM WAGE!" She boomed. Slagar shrugged. "Now here are my rules. Stay clean. Be quiet. No partying. Get along with your neighbours. If any of you break these rules I will kill you in your sleep."

Tansy gasped, and the squirrel chuckled. "I'm just JKing." Said the teacher.

"Guys, Martin is still unconscious." Urthwyte said, picking up the limp figure of Martin, who was washed and smelled like roses and mints. "My badger senses are telling me he's fresh enough to eat." Everyone stared at Urthwyte in surprise. "Not that I would eat Anybeast, EVER." He quickly said.

"Okay, why has no one noticed us?" Tsarmina asked feeling frustrated. "We're a huge horde of amazing warlords and perfectness and you're all arguing about cannibalism."

"Yeah, I agree." Ublaz said, shaking water from his beautiful bod once again. "It's totally unfair you guys are blind." He then pulled out his phone and began to change his Foxbook status.

Slagar's eyes widened and his jaw dropped (he does that a lot) and everyone was gone EXCEPT for Ublaz Madeyes all of a sudden for him. "ARE YOU FOXBOOKING YOUR FRIENDS?!" Slagar cried from across the room. Ublaz looked up.

"Uhm, pshyeah." Ublaz replied. "No duh."

Slagar ran to Ublaz in slow motion and fell to his.. Knees? And began to cry. "You are the one I have been looking for!!" He screamed. Everybeast stared at Slagar.

"Okay get away from me you are such a.." He quickly found a mean name app. On Foxbook then continued, "You are such a moose-snouted slime toad. Get away from me, poser." He swished his tail in Slagar's face and strutted off.

Slagar sobbed on the floor and refused to get up ever again.

"Alright, we acknowledge you!" Ranguvar said to Tsarmina. "And now I will all assign you to dorms. AFTER you take a bath. In water." Tsarmina fainted.

"Oh now it'll be easier to wash her up." Urthwyte said. Everyone agreed. And then the bathing COMMENCED.


Despite scratches and punches inflicted to the bathing rats, and a broken leg given to one who's paw strayed too close to Ublaz's phone and another nose broken for touching Swartt's wig, the bathing only lasted about five, maybe sixish hours without TOO many injuries.

"I'm all fluffy!" Cried Tsarmina. She had awoken only a moment ago, and was a big huge fuzz ball. Badrang, Farran and Ranguvar had to hold her down while ten rats scrubbed her. She did look quite hilarious but nobeast laughed.

"Yes you are fluffly, and clean too." Badrang said, tossing a towel into a hamper. Tsarmina hissed at him and pulled out a handy brush and began to brush her fur down.

"Veil, my sweetest, you look like a new baby." Said Bluefen, as she brushed her son's fur.

"Mum, I'm SIR VEIL LANCE for the 100th time, you named me that.." He replied unhappily.

"Oh sweetie, you got that name from a sign that said 'This area is under surveillance' don't you remember? I never named you anyways. I died when you were born!" She chuckled sweetly and Veil began to cry.

"I miss Bryony.." He said through sobs. Bluefen hissed at him.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO MENTION HER NAME EVER!" She screamed in his face, then she gave the brush to Swartt. "BRUSH YOUR SON, MAN!" She yelled and then she stormed off into a line that Ranguvar was forming.

And so Swartt began to brush his son's fur. "THIS IS BONDING!!!" He roared. Veil quivered.

"Everybeast who is cleaned and brushed and dressed and ready to go please line up here and I'll number you off." Shouted Ranguvar, to everybeast who was present, even if they hadn't been named in the story yet.

"Uggh." Plugg groaned and stretched. "I think that cat broke my back the way she stretched me out like that." He muttered to a rat nearby. The rat screamed and cowered. "What's your issue?" The fox asked, as he brushed his beautiful fur.

"Nothing. I thought. It's nothing." The rat replied. "Do you hear a bell?" He asked, his nose twitching slightly.

"Um, no." Replied Plugg, his eyebrows raised. "Stupid idiot."

"I am not an idiot, I AM GABOOL THE WILD!" He shouted at the fox, spit went all over Plugg's face.

"Oh, great! Now I'm all dirty!" The fox murmured. He quickly rubbed the spit off, then shrugged. "I think it'll be okay," He went in line, and Gabool was following close behind. "Can you not?" He shouted at the rat, so the rat backed off, right into the fat belly of a stoat.

"HEYY WATCH IT MATE, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M STANDING HERE!" Shouted the stoat, who was Cap'n Tramaun Josiah Cuttlefish Clogg. "WOW MAN QUICK FUH-REAKIN' OUT!"

Plugg was happy, because he just noticed that in front of him were three very beautiful vixens whom he found very attractive. Their fur colours were grey and silky. He decided to think of pick up lines to use on them later.

"Is everyone lined up?!" Ranguvar called. There was a roar of "AYE" and "YES" and "NO DUH" from the line. "Good!" She shouted. "Now everybeast shut up!" And so everybeast did.

"I know it'll just be mayhem, these dorms took me forever to think of," Said the author, freezing time like she usually did. She glanced at Ublaz the attractive pine marten and snorted. "He's picking his nose, look!" She shouted. "Oh sorry, anyways, you'll just have to anticipate what the groups will be. Read on to the next chapter!" She sat there and began to meditate.
yay chapter 3 all of the chapters are super dee duper long but like they're actually not because it's not like every scene is a paragraph long but yeah

characters (C) brian jacques
story (c) me


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